Sunday, July 29, 2012
today i had the opportunity to drive to delta. (yep that drive sucked) to see mater ehh i mean elder johnson's homecoming talk. its hard to believe that its been two years since me and him were in that crummy MTC room together, it was crazy to see him and hear him talk about the mission, just made me think about what if i stayed, but i cant dwell on that, whats done is done no point thinking about the past. but im really glad i went, not just because i got to see him but because as of the last few months ive been struggling with alot of things, my life has felt like its going no where... kind of just like im stuck in place and quite frankly it sucks! ive just been trying to find my way in life, now im the person that has to figure out things on my own and in my own way, and its been quite the journey. i thought i knew where i wanted to go, i was going to go to dixie and play golf and work at pac sun down there, and i was very content with that, but as times gotten closer and closer things start to come up, i started to have extremely bad shoulder pain to the point where i would start to cry it hurt so bad, now i think i have a pretty high pain tolerance but this was by far some of the worse pain i have ever felt, finally i got it checked out and got x-rays and i know what it is and im seeing a specialist this week for it. the thing about it is that it takes me out of golf for at least 6 months if not more depending on me needing surgery or not. and then going down this last friday to st. george to look at housing i find out dixies golf coach retired and he was the main reason i was going to go there. and then finally the friends i was giong to room with i love them to death but i just have this bad gut feeling that it wouldnt be the best idea to room with them, i could get in to some bad trouble and thats the last thing i need at this time as im trying to figure out my life, i need the best examples around me that i can have, and there not the best ones for me right now. i came back being more confused on what im going to do then when i went down there, as im scrambling to figure out what exactly im going to do i dont know really where to turn, now being in utah every one says go to religion.... and quite frankly i have no desire to... its not that i dont believe the gospel cause i fully do, it just gets back to people are corrupt so i fell like i have no where to turn, and thats where ive started to turn to people i trust who arent nessaceraly religious figures, for one. my assistant manager at work, me and him are so close and i would trust him with my life, the day i got back from st george i went and saw him and just broke down saying how i have no idea what im suppose to do or how to figure it out, and we got talking and you know maybe these shoulder problems happend to keep me from going down knowing the danger that i could be geting my self in to. and he really helped me to open my eyes and think about all of that, now i usually am pretty good at looking at ever angle but lately ive been so overwelmed that i just cant. and elder johnson... his talk he talked about how fasting can be a key in getting answers, and i had the feeling i had when i knew i needed to go on a mission that maybe i need to fast before my visit to the doctor tuesday that i will know what i need to do after i talk with him so im going to give that a shot, and he talked about how much love the savior has for us and how the atonement can be used in our favor. driving all that way to delta to see him talk was the best thing i could of done, its started to get me on the right path to where i need to go.