were kind of......awesome

and awesomeerrrrr

(shes going to kill me for putting this on her............. )

last 2 weeks have been some of the best weeks of my life!!!! for starters church ball season has started up!! thats a huge thing! haha i love church ball maybe a little too much... oh well its such a blast! i have grown so close and love the guys on the elders team. each on of them have had a hand in shaping me into the person that i am today! with out there example i dont know where i would be right now. there always looking out for me, there always calling to see what im up to and see how im doing! heres to another great season for that!! then i went to the paint party down town with deven and tanner!! oh my gosh that was by far the best party that i have ever been too!!! it was so crazy! and the music was great! i couldnt of asked for a better night!! then i had a date this past saturday with kayli! shes such an awesome girl! its funny cause i met her a little over a year ago from brakken and havent really talked to her till last week, but we went down to this gymnastics place in provo and usually when i go to places like that with friends im one of the only people who can do anything... wellllll little did i know kayli did gymnastics for like 7 year!! yeah........ safe to say i looked like a fool who couldnt do anything compared to her haha it was kind of embarrassing wont lie!! but shes so much fun to be around with her personality! its nice its been hard for me to really get my feet back in the water per say when it comes to girls and dating lately because of some mental issues that happened... but its nice to start to feel confident again when it comes to this area! i cant wait to see what happens!

...usually i know what im going to wright about before i start writing... tonight im just writing in hopes that it will take everything off my chest... i feel as if everything in the world is hitting me square in the chest right now. i feel so alone.... ive never felt this before.... i dont like it at all, i feel as if no one is around like im in a dark room trying to get out. everything i seem to do some how makes a U turn and comes back right at me. when people told me growing up was hard i thought they were crazy, but now i know what they mean im at so many cross roads in my life... its just a mess, i just hope that ill make the right decisions. i thought by keeping my self busy with work and school would help with all of this... but i all most find my self looking back at my past.. and what i had then looking forward to whats coming. the one conclusion i have come too is that i need to put my self first. i always put other people before me, thats a good thing dont get me wrong but i feel that why im partly in this dark room.... its time to think about me and do whats best for me.... i hate making resolutions because they never happen.. so ill just set some goals... this yeah im going to work on every area of my life but more importantly im going to focus on me. make sure that im doing everything for me that i can!

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way


The more i look around at certain people that are in my life the more and more i realize that "god gave me them" for just about everything that goes on in my life. its funny how we tend to take people for granted. we never really think how have they helped me, or impacted my life? and was it for good or bad? guarantee if we did that we would show more love towards the people that have made a positive impact in our lifes and we would cut the negative ones out of our lifes. why would you want someone who around you who has been a negative influence? with pretty much all of my guy friends away on missions its made me look at the people who are in my life or have been and kinda evaluate what influence or help they have been to me. i could go through and name the ones who have been a positive help and i could name the negative ones. im just grateful for all the people in my life who have helped me *through the ups and downs*

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up (Official Lyric Video)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

"Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life"
"Friendship is what gets you through the bad times and helps you enjoy the good times" 


everyone says that there grateful for friends. but do you ever really take a step back and think how grateful you really are for your friends and how they help you in your life? I like to think that i have a lot of friends.. but  I only have a few really close friends that I would do anything in the world for. I would drop what ever im doing to help them out. its funny when every something is going on in your life, you always seem to have that one friend who is going through the same thing.... or that could just be my case haha. but one person im extremely grateful for is Wade.... ohhh man mr. Wade now hes one of a kind! but thats what i love about him! theres no one else quite like him!! ive always been found of him from when i first met him, altho i wasnt sure if he liked me at first ha. but lately he has been one of the only things that has kept me going. kept my wheels turning. with everyone pretty much gone on there missions its been kind of depressing my best friends are gone, and parts of my life have seemed to be crumbling around me, I was at a loss i didnt know what to do. or where to turn. but wade was there, we can have conversations for hours! we can hang out and literally do nothing but still have a great time! hes such a great guy and i couldnt thank him enough for everything he has helped me with. now he may not know all of what he has helped me with but he has helped me more then he knows. just listening to me and making sure i follow my own advice and dont settle for less then i deserve. hes one of the best friends a kid could ask for!!! its going to suck when he leaves me for his mission in a few months! its going to be tough! but hes doing an amazing thing!

Good riddens 2011 and HELLO 2012!!

as i was standing downtown and the new year rolled in, i took a min to reflect back on everything that has happened in 2011. 2011 was full of ups and downs, love and heart breaks, meeting new people, letting go of others. friends leaving and reaching goals. it was also full of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. but one think 2011 did was teach me about my self, it showed me just how strong i really am. and also that i can get through anything that i set my mind to. the world is my playground. now i just have to go out there and explore. now that the new year is upon us theres no where to go but up from here! 

so heres to 2012!!!!!