honestly i dont even know what to write or if anything i do put will make sence, my head is spinning so much right now i cant get everything to make sence, im at a mix in my emotions right now im between being mad but then i want to break down and cry... i dont know what i want to do because one min i want to scream and yell then i want to just cry.... i dont know what to think anymore, i promised my self i would never let my self get so close again or be so open and honest about how i feel and be venerable bcause something seems to happen, i know how i felt and i cant throw it away... oh if only i could explain those things, it was so real.. im so hurt and down this isnt going to be good for my tournament saturday.. ha the best part is its exactly a year ago when brookly ripped my heart out and did the mexican hat dance on it too... i just guess my luck really is that bad, they always say god has a reason for things.. well if he would want to come explain why everything has happend in my life i would be more then willing to let him come and do that.. i feel like i have had so many triles and roadblocks in my life. with my dads illness, my emotinal problems, anxiety and my mission. i just want to know why they keep coming. isnt it my time for all the good things that i have been promised?? cause i sure think so, i dont know how i can be expeced to continue to be strong, i have been threw so much just to get here. no one even knows how much its taken me. its taken everything i got to get here, theres plenty of time ive wanted to quite lord know that. i was told it wouldnt be easy that it would just be worth it. and thats the only reason i have pushed forward i was promised these blessing if i just kepted moving forward, i feel like i havent gotten those, whens it my turn? i dont mean to be selfish but i need the help. right now i just feel so betrayed by the people i thought i could trust and that i cared about, im backed up against a wall and i feel like theres no way around that wall.. there was only a few things that i cared about in this world... and would of done anything for those things. now i feel like i have been deserted by one of those things and its the worst feeling in the world. maybe i will go put my mission papers back in... cause nothing really seems to be going according to plan here anyways or worth staying here for.. everything here just hurts you in the end.

The worst thing about falling is when its over, you realize that instead of just falling… you fell.

If you love someone, don’t give up.

You just have to go after what you want and if it doesn’t want you back then so be it. It doesn’t deserve you anyways..

Second chances are hard to give, but in the end theyre worth it.

Somewhere theres someone of your dreams who is waiting for that special person, just like you are –nicole jack

The truth is.. everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for – bob marley

Love is when 2 people know everything about eachother and are still friends.

I miss that time when I liked you and thought you liked me too..